August 1, 2010

8 reasons why Asian men have a better social life in Russia than America (a letter to Winston Wu)

 A letter to my friend Winston Wu:

“Winston

If you still have not figured it out, do not rack your brains over it. It is several reasons, not one- so it
is a combination of factors that lead to the different results you are experiencing. Here they are one by one:

1) East Orthodox Slavic culture vs. Anglo-Celto-Germanic. Communal and friendly vs. individualistic-cliqueish one.

Russians are generally friendlier people when it comes to strangers because of their communal past- even long before Communism. They are used to including strange people into their group. Anglos on the other hand like to be alone, do not like people they don't know, and prefer being in cliques. If you want to know why Americans behave a certain way look at their ancestors- go to London and any other English town. See how cliqueish the people are and how difficult it is to make friends. There is no eye contact, the people just seem to be absorbed into their own world and their own clique. But Anglos are very friendly inside of the clique and act as normal humans when they are in it. It is just that getting into the clique is the problem.

2) Your worth on the love market in both countries. Who and what are you as far as the context of the
market you are in.

Take (mentally) all the men in the US, line them up and put yourself amongst them. How would you rate in terms of looks, height, money, etc? Probably not high. Put yourself in a line-up with Russian men and see how and where you would rate. Probably quite high.

Mostly because Russians do not on the average have as much money and/or international lifestyle that you can offer. You are making ten times to twenty times more money than they do. If you look at it within the US context, it is as if you were a man making $20,000-$40,000 a month.

3) America is divided along racial lines and five categories of people- Whites, Blacks, Hispanics, Asians and Indians.

Each group has its assigned role and image within the US. In that system Asian men and Asian people in general are not seen as something popular or powerful. Within the context of the US culture, an Asian man is seen based on American stereotypes and you are familiar with them.

Russia is not divided so much by racial lines but more along the lines of ethnic Russians vs. non-Russians and foreigners. Kind of like China or Japan where it is not Blacks vs. Whites, etc, but Chu-Guo-Ren (Middle Country Person) vs. Wai-Gwo-Ren (Out of Country Person) or Ni-Hon-Jin (Japan Person)vs. Gai-Jin (Outside Person) . Foreigners in Asia especially richer ones are seen with curiosity, positive or negative. They are unusual and people are curious about them. They want to help them, invite them to their homes, talk to them. There aren't many of them., so people want to meet them and hear what they have to say. On the other hand, Americans being descendants of foreigners who left bad conditions in their homeland have been conditioned not to look back or be interested in bad countries that their ancestors came from. So, a foreigner evokes a yawn in the US and is seen as a dorky and clumsy person. Someone who has not yet learned to behave and act as a normal, American person.

4) The US is a land of plenty. People (think that they) have seen everything, experienced everything,
done everything and that everything is available.

Especially women see it that way. Russia has not been a land of plenty. People there are not cloyed with benefits of life. Things are hard to find. Good people are also hard to find. So, you are appreciated more within that market. People's lives there can be quite drab so you seem to be like a breath of fresh air to them. There are not that many foreigners there, either. So, when they see you, it means a new experience, something better and more exciting.

5) There are too many available handsome men in the US.

There are oodles and oodles of men with money, cars, houses, careers. Women can have the pick of the day every day. So they are stuck up as they can get any man they want. Even ugly and fat women in the US can get the guy. That is why you see horrid-looking women, ill-dressed women, women without make-up everywhere parading around like they are Miss Universes. Not so in Russia. Too many men were decimated by wars and too many drunk and irresponsible men are around. Finding a good guy is hard. Finding a rich foreigner is even harder. Women need to look their best, be nice, and try hard to find a good man.

Women everywhere want to improve their species. That is human instinct. that is what love and dating is all about. In the US the people believe that the species is already highly improved. So improving your species yet means dating Donald Trump or someone like that. In Russia the male species is quite poor and less numerous than in the US and also less well-behaved. So, on that background you stand out quite well. As you can see, context determines everything in society. In a land of the blind, a one-eyed man is king.

6)  The US TV and culture in general glorifies men that look like Steven Seagal, Bruce Willis, Brad Pitt, etc.

Now, how would you rate compared to those paragons of manhood?  Russia does not have those paragons. If you listen to songs in Russia it is usually a woman singing about how a man abandoned her for another. If you listen to a love song in the US, you will usually hear a sweet voice of a man courting a woman. Or a man whining about a lost love. The markets are different. Male-female ratios are different.

7) Russian people are used to Asians.

They have been seeing them since the 13th century. They have been dealing with them and even marrying them for a long time. It does not mean that as an Asian you are seen as "popular", it is just that you are part of the landscape. You do not evoke much negativism and it is not much of an issue. In the US, Asians are seen as fresh off-the-boat immigrants. poor and dorky, that is. People are still not used to them. There are many stereotypes of Asian men that work against them socially in the US. In Russia, there are stereotypes but not of the same nature.

A local Siberian Asian in Russia is not the most flattering thing to be, either. They will call him –a deer herder, "Churka"- the Russian word for the non-Russian colonial subjects- the equivalent of the British word "Wog", and treat him as a dorky hick.

This would not concern you as it is not so with a Japanese, Taiwanese or a US Asian. But try dressing
like a Russian and acting like those Siberian Asians. You will feel the difference.

8) The word "foreigner" in Russia ("inostranets") is not a negative word.

It immediately evokes mental associations of- "cultured- successful- richer than me-smarter than me- more exciting than me". So, when people in Russia see you as a foreigner, those associations spring to mind. And the people act accordingly.

In the US people see you and say- "Oh, another Asian man"- and the associations while not exactly hostile, are not flattering, either-" poor immigrant making noodles, maybe a martial arts freak-cannot speak English properly-a clutzy and clumsy Japanese student-short-has small dick-computer nerd." Or- "Pearl Harbor- Korean War- or Jackie Chan"- a clown. Hardly positive or respectful associations.

The word "foreigner" in the US is a negative word. It is used to designate a non-American- someone who is either an enemy of the US or someone who is poor and just came and is not assimilated. That is why even the phrase "foreign student" had to be changed to ”international student".

These are the main reasons why you have a better social life in Russia.”

***

10 comments:

Jamesbond said...

This is excellent Ladislav! You are right about women in the US getting the pick of the litter when it comes to dating men.

It's incredible how even fat women and ugly women in the US think they deserve a rich handsome man! I have actually seen fat women and ulgy women dating guys who are wealthy and good looking here in America! If these women were in Russia, they wouldn't be able to date ANY guys let alone guys who are rich and good looking.

I plan on traveling to Russia someday to see first hand how the dating scene is in that country. It sounds like it's a thousand times better than the dating scene is in America!

Anonymous said...

You losers have to pay women to date you. How pathetic.

Anonymous said...

Omg! I'm shocked by these stories of miserable american sex tourists. I'm a russian woman and i would like to say that any decent, educated, middle class ( though, this more depends on self - esteem, than on the status) WON'T date with such shameless men like you. It will be a stigma for such a girl in her circle and her family. That isn't true that russian girls like american men, we still prefer our own men, with the same culture, religion, views and mentality. Women that have enough self - respect for herself won't date with sex tourists. Women in the USA are like everywhere else, both bad and good, so don't generalize them. Are your sisters, mothers, grandmothers such like you describe in your posts about american women?

Anaphaxeton said...

Reasons why Asian men have a better social life in Russia?
Well, probably because when I go outside my apartment in Moscow and start walking down the street, 75% of the people I see are Asian. Central Asian immigrants, Chinese and Korean tourists are everywhere.

I'd say reason number 7 comes the closest to the truth: Russia has in the past been seen by Western travellers as an Asian country and compared with, for example, the Ottoman Empire. Russia has a lot more Asian in it than people realise in the first place, so it's no surprise that Asians feel comfortable here.

In any case, back to the question, I think a major reason is that there are already so many Asian people in Russia, especially Moscow, that Asians are not even part of the landscape: they are often the majority.
Many times I have seen Tajik and other Central Asian couples walking down the street together, speaking their own language: it's not that hard to find other Asians to socialise with!

Anonymous said...

This is a smart analysis from a well traveled man. But it fails to realise how US-centric it is. I came to the US from Europe and felt many of the things talked about.

Bottom line, I would say, is that Americans with all their confidence are victims of a culture that constantly push to go for the most superficial things. Cars, houses, phones, etc., and also other humans.

So all the culture pushes you to be interested in in another person is genes and money, with a well established scale as detailed in this article.

Of course even the US people know deep inside, and eventually admit from experience, that happiness doesn't correlate with such superficial desires. But the constant bombing of shallowness from media and the rest of society is quite a barrage to free one's mind...

Of course there are Americans who fight this tide - well, they would be happier anywhere else, Russia, Asia, Africa, wherever.


Anonymous said...

Lmfao. This is just pathetic. Russian women are like any other women: they like attractive, desirable men. If you are an Asian guy, you are simply not attractive to them (truth hurts). ME, I'm half-Swedish half-Russia, and I see dumb foreigners all the time thinking if they "spit game" or say the right thing they will get the girl. When I was young I would hear my sisters laugh and mock such men. Money doesn't matter if you don't fit the minimum criteria. Asian features and men are simply not attractive to us Europeans, even tall asians. We see beautiful people on a daily basis (even in Russia, which makes me believe you have no idea what you're talking about). Also, just because you walked up to a woman and took a picture with her does not mean she likes you by any means. Also, in Russia, the demographic shift between men and women doesn't start until age 45....so young women do have eligible young men available. Not everyone is an alcoholic either. How many Americans get drunk on St. Pattys day? Yet they are not a nation of reeling alcholics. You are pathetic, and simply lie in order to rip-off other insecure Asian men like yourself.

P.S. If you came to Russia and such predatory intentions were known (Russians are weary of lecherous foreigners and are aware of the perception of their women abroad). You would get your ass kicked in a matter of seconds. We are protective over our women.

Anonymous said...

It is obvious to me from reading you're post, you are an absolute moron, who has nothing else better to to with his time, than engage in futile debates trying to force his views onto others. Go see a therapist or something, you must hate your life.

Anonymous said...

Hahaha...marry your American women so do I as Asian.I'm who I'm and take what is mine

YourHusband said...

Russian women would find asian men to be too ugly though. Asian men would do better in SoCal than in Russia or anywhere else in europe

YourHusband said...

Russian women would find asian men to be too ugly though. Asian men would do better in SoCal than in Russia or anywhere else in europe